Comedy rookies...
HARK!
I hear stomachs flipping, teeth grinding, puke building…
So, you say you want to be a stand-up comic?
You want -- let me get this right -- to get up there on stage in front of complete strangers, some eager, some cynical, some drunk, some on-the-way-there … and make them laugh?
Oh, and you think you’re so damned hilarious they’re not only going to wet their pants, choke on their nachos and high-five their seatmates -- when you’re done, they’re going to hoot and cheer and demand an encore?
Good luck! HARK Valley hopes it goes exactly like that, for you.
This is coming from a writer who thought, “Hey, I crack people up when I toss out wisecracks from the back of classroom and at the dinner table, I can do this comedian thing!”
Yeah, right…
The typical trajectory: Bomb the first time up there, do a little better the next couple times until you know what you’re doing…
Complete opposite for me, back in Pittsburgh circa 1984.
I was going to be a cross between Dennis Miller, Michael Keaton and Billy Elmer -- to name two Burghers who made it big, and one who sadly didn't.
When I was in college and just starting to think about giving comedy a shot, I went to an outdoor show starring Elmer. For some reason, he picked me out: “Hey, here’s the guy who runs the Vaseline stand.”
Back then, we didn’t know the meaning of the word “inappropriate”...
Anyway, I muscled up the courage to enter a campus talent show...and finished second!
OK, there were only three entrants.
I remember getting some decent laughs -- though maybe it was from some bizarre costume I decided to wear, and an even weirder delivery I adopted.
I swear: I did not bomb!
Second time up, I went to an actual comedy club open mic night. I started out OK, then I FROZE. After a couple “ums,” I shuffled off stage.
The third time out, I tried another comedy club, this time holding index cards with my jokes. I read off a few -- and looked out at the stone-cold faces of about a half-dozen, decidedly-not-amused Burghers.
A friend who came along for moral support gave some fake laughs from the back of the room. That was pretty bad, then I read a few more …
“Why don’t you put an arrow through your head?” called on my one-and-only heckler.
I think he was referring to Steve Martin -- or maybe he wanted me to literally put an arrow through my head.
This was one of the Great Humiliating Moments of My Life.
At the same time, I’m glad I did it … sort of. At least I got it out of my system.
Dare you give it a try, yourself?
Phoenix Stand Up Live has occasional open mic nights; check the schedule or visit the Fb page https://www.facebook.com/standuplive
Now, you don't have to "get up there" completely unprepared. If you're serious about being professionally funny, a few places offer stand-up classes.
Glendale’s Stir Crazy has its next “Intro to Stand-Up" for eight weeks starting Aug. 24; every Tuesday 6:30pm to 9:30pm
The cost: $240.
Which, depending on your insurance, might be the co-pay to four or five therapy sessions. You may need it, if you're going to try comedy.
The Stir Crazy class pitch:
“If you've already tried stand-up, you know the difference between casually joking with your buddies and actually entertaining a paying audience that doesn't know and love you. You have to "earn" their laugher. What you witness on the stage as a spontaneous and fun performance by a stand-up comic is actually the result of writing and rehearsing.
And if you're new to stand-up, I'm often asked is, "Am I funny enough to perform stand-up comedy?"
Anyone who likes to make people laugh can learn do it on stage. Are you told, "You're funny, you should do stand-up comedy?" Then you have what it takes. Smart alecks are welcome! Stand-up comedy is the only job where if people laugh at you, you're doing it right. You can't say that about your day job!
If you've never done stand-up comedy, when you come to class for first time, there are no expectations. You'll first learn stage and microphone etiquette then, week by week, you will develop a comedy routine to perform.
If you've done open mic shows you already know how time-consuming it can be, plus your feedback only comes in small doses. Comedy class will streamline this process. In my comedy classroom you receive:
Valuable stage time to try out and revise your written material
Instant feedback from your fellow comics from an audience perspective
Notes from your coach with 17 years of comedy teaching experience (me!) who zeros in on what you need to do to reach your next level with a quality act that keeps them laughing
After only a few classes, when you go back to open mic, you'll be able to tell who is professional and who isn't.
Open mic can get you a bar act, professional classes can get you a club act.
Don't wait. Sign up today. Limited seating.
Classes run for 8 weeks. 7 classes and then conclude with a showcase at Stir Crazy Comedy Club.”
Support the students!
At 7 p.m., Sunday, Aug. 1, Stir Crazy hosts a showcase from the last class.
“Eat, drink and laugh with the area’s best up and coming comedians. You never knew the West Side had this much local talent. Who knows, maybe you’ll be inspired to enroll in a class and give stand-up a try!”
Don't need a class and ready to wing it? Stir Crazy's next open mic nights are Aug. 4 and Sept. 1.