Online bullying quiz: 'What would my mother say?'
The case of being called a bully for calling others bullies
HARK!
I hear…my mother’s voice…
Wondering if you’re being an online bully?
My quiz: Ask yourself, “Would I say this out loud, to someone’s face?
“How would I feel if someone wrote or said this about a family member or loved one?
“What would my mother say about this?”
Even by great-mom standards, my Mom was pretty amazing. Always going out of her way to help others, whether volunteering for whatever-they-need at her church or serving food at a food bank or giving a sight-challenged neighbor rides…
And, well, she was nice.
She got mad at the municipal judge who wouldn’t forgive her multiple speeding tickets (couldn’t he understand she needed to go places?), but, even in the rare times she lost her temper, she never made personal attacks.
If you don’t have something nice to say about someone…
I’m nowhere near her standard, and admittedly toed the online bully line recently–but, in my defense, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I was coming to the defense of someone I thought was being bullied.
The background: One of the Facebook groups I belong to is called Aspiring Writers United. True to its title, it is usually a nurturing place for inexperienced writers to seek advice. Posts frequently ask things like “How can I get an agent?,” “How do I get published?” “I’m unmotivated–what should I do?” Bits of short stories, poems–all sorts of things, not infrequently in less-than-perfect grammar.
Comments seemed to me to be almost always encouraging and kind.
So it was that I was shocked–shocked!--when I came across this post:
Cool, I thought, and was about to move on…until I caught a few comments.
They were savage.
Two people mocked the poster by saying “it reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey gets a thesaurus…”
Other comments ranged from “purple prose” to “hopelessly obtuse” to “I have no idea what this dude is talking about” to “this is an example of terrible writing” to “this is a pile of”--and a dog poop-GIF.
Dozens and dozens were piling on–in this case, the group seemed to be “united” in attacking this aspiring writer.
I wrote a comment saying I thought the original post was fresh and cool.
Sorry–I can’t quote the exact wording of my comment or the others, as the post has since been removed by the site’s administrator.
It may have had something to do with the fact that I wasn’t happy enough to just put up a comment of support. Nope, I was so fired up I replied to many of the comments I took to be unduly mean-spirited, saying things like, “I can’t believe what a rude comment you just made,” “Sorry you can’t understand the post–have you ever read poetry before?”
Even that wasn’t enough: I made my own post, saying “Wow (in a bad way)...Someone had the courage to post an off-the-wall piece…And multiple people frothed at their keyboards to deride and insult!” etc.
As usual, there was plenty of back-and-forth, with commenters saying I had no idea what I was talking about, they had every right to critique what the writer posted, etc.
One woman even accused me of being an alter ego of the original poster (because we have the same first name?). I told her she was way off base–she then posted another comment screen shot-ing her accusation, as if that proved it!
I clicked a button to report her to the site’s admin for “spreading false information.”
Shortly after that, I received a notice that I had my post removed...
...on top of that, I got put in the penalty box!
I took a screenshot and posted in another group, Open Skies Poetry, looking for feedback.
One commenter there said:
"... I appreciate your open mindedness. And I'm fortunate to not be in that particular group."
What do you think? Did I go over the line?
Or is it OK to challenge and stand up to people you perceive as bullies?
I think my Mom would have approved--of my intentions, at least.
Though she might have added:
"You could have been a little nicer."