Q: What’s cheesier than Velveeta? A: Holiday theater!
The return of goofy Christmas shows, plus “serious” alternatives
HARK!
I hear…a cheese slicer…
This isn’t, unfortunately, about a Monty Python sketch. (Customer: "Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?" Wenslydale: "No." Customer: "Camembert, perhaps?" Wenslydale: "Ah! We have Camembert, yessir." Customer: (surprised) "You do! Excellent." Wenslydale: "Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...")
"...it's so runny, the cat ate it."
This is about Holiday Theater.
It’s Americana and American—and about as nutritious as Velveeta.
As we dance “the pandemic limbo” (two steps ahead for vaccines, now one quick step back for omicron…), it may be comforting to some that holiday productions are a return to normalcy.
Sort of.
Many theaters around HARK Valley were dark in December of 2020.
This holiday season, there are dozens of shows going up.
Still, it’s a little different than “normal”...
The bigger productions are requiring proof of vaccine or a recent negative COVID test upon entrance.
Several also require masks; and, no, a turtleneck rolled up or Christmas scarf won’t do…
To me, the typical holiday theater production is about as appetizing as a limburger and onion sandwich, chased by a fruitcake smoothie. For those like me, the ongoing miracle that is the internet provides some nice alternatives that offer “serious” theater that can be consumed from the comfort and safety of your couch.
A feisty site I recently discovered is Dramox, a European virtual space featuring everything from the Moscow Operetta Theaters’s “Anna Karenina” to Stratford Festival’s “Romeo and Juliet” to a silly, knockabout “The Bakers” by Scottish fringers the Latebloomers.
You can get a free one-week trial at dramox.tv; after that, it’s 11.90 euros per month, which is about $13.50.
More on streaming theater in coming newsletters….
But, for those who love them a little cornball humor, holiday bathos and/or silly musicals, tis the season!
Here’s a look at what’s happening “on the boards” around town:
The Kax Stage at the Herberger Theater has “Celebrate Me Home,” Dec. 17-19.
According to the promo:
“Yes, it’s back! It seems Christmas was almost canceled last year because we were not able to do our annual Cabaret with Jeff Kennedy (something about a pandemic). So get your shopping done early and buy your tickets even earlier because iTheatre’s Christmas Cabaret will get you ready to celebrate the holidays.”
Proof of vaccination against COVID 19 is required to attend. Masks are required in all areas of the theater, regardless of age or vaccination status.
The Phoenix Theatre doesn’t have the same general mandates, but has designated “mask and vaccination required performances.”
“During these performances, masks and vaccines will be required for all patrons and staff in our lobbies and theatres unless actively eating/drinking.”
The Phoenix Theater is currently showing “Million Dollar Quartet Christmas,” which imagines Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins and Elvis Presley celebrating Christmas together.
“The gang is up to their usual antics as we journey through stories of Christmas past, present, and future. It’s a jam-packed evening of holiday hits that you won’t want to miss!”
The corny musical plays through Jan. 2, with a cast of locals and touring talent.
Over at Arizona Theatre, it’s “Miss Bennet: Christmas at Pemberley,” a Jane Austen tribute/spoof written by Lauren Gunderson and Margot Melcon, directed by Sean Daniels.
Vax or proof of negative COVID test required.
The play imagines a sequel to “Pride and Prejudice,” with the Bennet family gathered at Pemberley to celebrate Christmas together. “Unlike her witty and vibrant sisters, Mary Bennet is unmarried, nerdy, and growing tired of her role as the obedient middle sister.”
Sounds like a recipe for rom-com.
Jessica Jain plays Mary, with busy local Seth Tucker as Arthur de Bourgh.
Dueling ‘crackers:
Tchaikovsky’s “The Nutcracker,” pretty popular this time of year, will be performed from Dec. 10-24 by Ballet Arizona with the Phoenix Symphony at Symphony Hall…and at the Orpheum Theatre by the Phoenix Ballet beginning Dec. 10.
If you don’t know the story, it has to do with Clara, “mischievous mice” and the Sugar Plum Fairy.
Giant, dancing rodents…what do you expect, with all this holiday cheese?
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